What to do.

I wish I knew how to put what I was really feeling to words. However, I don't think words could do it justice. It's both wonderful and terrifying. It empowers me and at the same time can put me in the most humbled mood possible....

Actually, I think Billy Joel did a pretty good job of summing up what I've been feeling....the most important part is in bold.

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes,
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies,
And she only reveals what she wants you to see.
She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me.
She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you,
She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you,
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free,
Yeah she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me.
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants,
She's ahead of her time.
Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in,
She just changes her mind.
And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden
then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding,
But she brings out the best and the worst you can be...

It's so discouraging to be thrust back and forth between cloud 9 and heck on such a constant basis. It would be nice to be able to just sit on cloud nine for a while. It doesn't require a whole lot to get me there. Just being able to enjoy her company is sufficient. You know...Be able to study her uniqueness, the color of her eyes, the way she's fixed her hair, her unique laugh, the way she smiles when amused. Maybe that's weird, and maybe it explains why I've had so many problems in that arena. I know that for, at least, most of the guys living with me, the physical is what it's all about. I'm not suggesting that's not nice...I'm just suggesting that maybe it's lost it's value. I don't want it that way. I want that individual to know from the very first kiss, just how truly important she is to me.

I suppose it's possible that I share this misery in part to my own inaction. Perhaps I've done too much showing how much I care, and not enough stating it. I just find myself wanting to make sure it's been seen before it's been heard. However, I suppose without the verbal portion it's easy for a girl to say something like, "ah, he's just such a nice guy." It's especially tough for me to discuss if circumstances never seem to permit the action. Something like that is hard to share, especially if there are other curious ears...